Hello world! I have Liv Rancourt blogging here today about her adventures in Middle Earth, ah, um…well, sort of! Liv has a really cool day job (check her website if you don’t believe me) and she used to front a rock band and studied Gregorian chant. How. cool. is. that? Without further ado, heeeereeee’s Liv!
First I want to thank you for the chance to appear on your blog, Julie. (J.K. here: of course!) I really appreciate it!
Now, I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. I can’t exactly speak Elvish, but I’m a huge Tolkien fan. As such I am clearly excited by the release of the new movie. So excited, in fact, that it inspired this blog post…
I survived Target. On Saturday, December 8th.
There & back again.
Now, that may not sound like that much of an accomplishment, but hello? Christmas is in less than three weeks, and the Target closest to my house has a parking lot designed by dwarves. And yes, I mean like the short guys in the Hobbit who spend all their time digging convoluted tunnels.
To get into the store, I first had to drive up a narrow ramp that pivots sharply, with the bare minimum in the way of sight lines. If you take it at more than about 7.5 miles an hour, the odds of getting into a head-on collision with a dragon…I mean, another happy holiday shopper…are pretty exponential.
I kinda wish I had Gandalf along to lead the charge. Or maybe that Aragorn dude…
Oops, wrong story.
Instead of Gandalf, there were a series of Rent-A-Cops, whose waving arms and neon orange vests did their best to keep the flow of traffic moving. Because if people can’t park, they can’t get into the store to buy things. And that’s the real goal of all this, right?
After successfully navigating Mirkwood the parking garage, I took myself into the store. I wrestled a cart away from one of the red-vested elves who run the place, and reached for my list, only to find I had nothing in my pocketsss…
Isn’t that precious?
Because there’s nothing like doubling back – for the third time – through a throng of frantic villagers to find that one thing absolutely necessary for the success of Christmas.
Like any worthy quest, there were moments of abject despair. Where ARE the potato mashers? How can I put together Christmas dinner without a potato masher? And there were moments of glorious euphoria, like when I found the PERFECT glass peacock ornaments.
Not a gold ring, but still pretty cool.
Now, I know you’re all picking up what I’m putting down here. Holiday shopping is what you make of it, and I wish you all the best in your travels. And remember…
There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after. (JRR Tolkien)
Or, for those of you who are headed for Target…
There are no safe paths in this part of the world. Remember you are over the Edge of the Wild now, and in for all sorts of fun wherever you go. (JRR Tolkien)
Thanks so much for blogging today, Liv, although the “Christmas in less than three weeks” part of your post gave me heart palpitations! Liv writes paranormal and romance, often at the same time. Come visit her at her website & blog (www.livrancourt.com), on Facebook (www.facebook.com/liv.rancourt), or on Twitter (www.twitter.com/LivRancourt).
Liv is also the author of the holiday-themed romance short story, The Santa Drag, available on Kindle for just 99 cents!
Thanks for all the positive vibes, Julie!
Absolutely!!! Thanks for blogging!
too funny! I’ve got the Hobbit on my Christmas “to watch” list. once I return from “the journey”…
me too! along with a bunch of other movies. Where will I find the time?!
Thanks Suzanne! The post might make you think I was at the midnight showing on opening day, but no such luck. Will have to fit it in with all the other holiday crazy.
So glad you survived your adventure, Liv. Too bad you didn’t meet Bilbo along the way. I would have been looking for him. 🙂
Sadly, Bilbo was off having a REAL adventure. So was the voice of Smaug.